Who is Cal? Cal was born a female, but now holds the appearance of a man. Male? Female? It? You may not be able to readily identifiy with the gender or sex of Cal, but you can with his identity. He is just liek you and I, different yet easily explained when analyzing the depths of human intellect and personality. Have you ever had a moment in your life when you weren’t able to categorize yourself, or did something differently than others? Although you may not be a transgendered male or female, you have had similar experiences that can be related to their stories as well. I remember when I was a child I used to play the drums, my father was the starting drummer for Metallica when they were a small garage band, then he drummed for the Hooters for three years. Unfortunately, being a girl and drumming was a little bit unorthadox and caused me to have second thoughts about doing it. I was fairly young, so when elementary school came around I had chosen to play the clarinet because I was embarrassed boys would make fun of me for being a drummer. I regret that decision to this day, because now I understand the importance of passion and doing what you love. Another example is about my favorite color which happens to be red. Red like green and blue are usually associated with boys. When I was around 4 I remember having one of those Playschool lawnmowers that popped little beads inside a clear container when you pushed it across the floor. There was a handle placed directly in the middle with two little pieces sticking out on either side. On the one side were the colors red, green, yellow and blue and on the other were pink, purple, orange and baby blue. I remember thinking to myself, I really like that red bead, but I don’t think I’m allowed to because it is on the boys colors side. To this day my favorite color remains red…why? Because you cannot help what you are interested in and how you feel about something in particular. Cal is like the beads. He may be a green or yellow bead, but that doesn’t mean only boys like those colors, therefore, he does not “fit” in anywhere at all. Ambiguous is one of my favorite words, because it describes and indescribable feeling that everyone feels at some point in their life. I am ambiguous with many things in my life so relating to Cal is a lot easier for me than most people. If everyone understood that identity merely came from the voice inside your heart, it would be so much easier to say, I am me.
Everything & Nothing
It is important that you know your left from your right.
How about the stars at night?
The difference between good and bad.
Feeling happiness while you’re sad.
Which side faces north on the top of a mossy rock?
The time that ticks upon every clock.
Taking flight upon the roofhills of Greece,
Dreaming about this world without peace,
The flow of water in the sea,
Who, what, how am I supposed to be?
The looking glass is always cloudy
I don’t know anything about me.
Can you suddenly slip but never fall?
It is but everything and nothing at all.
(Freeverse)
Master of Two Worlds
This monomythic stage seems to be an analogy of life. Although included in the title, there aren’t necesarily only two worlds one can be masters of…but endless worlds. Each journey possesses you with apotheosis which is ideally what the master of two worlds is. You leave to start your journey with new people, new enviroment, new emotions and reactions to different situations and you return not only someone new, but someone more enlightened than before. They say the old man is wise. That is because he has experienced apotheosis so many times in his life through samsara that he possesses that intelligence. Sometimes age isn’t the only way to obtain profound intelligence, but also if one has been through a lot of tough times in their life versus someone who has never experienced death before. Through each world you create you obtain information from the lessons you learn or don’t learn for that matter. Becoming a master of two worlds reflects upon the interest of the person it is dealing with. They are the ones who gain apotheosis and is makes them able to now understand how and why things had or had not happened. I know I have had a pretty rough life growing up, mainly surrounding death. Therefore, if I were to talk to someone that had just experienced a death for the first time, I am that master of those two worlds. I have experienced life with death and life without death, so I understand both equally. Sometimes we linger on the idea that the hardships we go through happen too much and too often. One of my favorite movies is “Beyond Ragoon” and in it there is a scene where the monks talk about life… “We are taught that suffering is one promise that life always keeps. So that when happiness comes we know it is a gift, and it is ours only for a brief time.” I love this quote because of how much truth it really holds. Becoming a master of two worlds entails suffering, and remember, as long as you are suffering, you are alive. That is all that matters.
I
Who are you?
What am I?
Do we coinsist in a world where I is everyone?
Or, does I just mean me?
Do we both share the same I?
Is your I different than mine?
A senseless taste is left to sulk in between my lips,
Trying to perfect the nonsense etched in my skull.
“I am he as you are he as you are me, and we are all together.”
Are you the Walrus?
Coo-coo-ka-chu.
I am.
(Prose)
(Lyric in quotes taken from The Beatles song “I Am The Walrus”)
Crossing of the Return
This stage in the monomyth is a little bit unique. This is one of the only stages I do not believe exists in every story. Sometimes, depending upon the journey you are taking there is a need to endure yet another “test” to return safetly home. This is similar to the experience you have in college. When you go to college you are crossing the first threshold entering an unknown territory to a new experience and “journey” perhaps. While in college you grow and change as an individual and relationships with people change. This is because you are no longer living at home with your parents so your relationship becomes estranged. Not in the sense that you are no longer close with them, that isn’t necessarily the truth, but you become more independent and less relient on them. Then there comes a point when you are done college, or even just home for the summer and this can be significant to the crossing of the return. You have to readjust to the parental life you once lived and you start to come home and conform to the ground rules that are still present in that household. I often find that the older you get, the more likely the crossing of the return monomythic stage is more prevelant in your life. There are more changes that are brought upon you as you get older so more tests and obstacles that need to be overcome. You start on your journey as one person, and return as another.
Final Project
I have always considered myself as a creative person, so for my final project I am going to draw a picture that has a somewhat abstract and indirect connection with this course. I have yet to decide whether or not I am going to make a collage and incorporate every aspect of this class, or just select a specific topic. I know the medium I am using is going to be graphite and/or color pencil. I have had an idea in my mind dealing with The Wizard of Oz, but it is still a work in progress. My art piece is going to reflect upon my abstract thinking towards this class, and hopefully others will understand it. I think I am going to lean more towards focusing on the lessons I’ve learned from this class and maybe turn that into the final project. There are so many things I could or could not integrate into this; to pick and choose is going to be the hardest part. Finally, I know I am going to create a poem that relfects the art piece I am to present, but if I get creative enough maybe I can put the poem in the picture, that would be interesting!
To See or Not To See Poem
Only a mirror…
I sit before it, gazing.
Scarlet lips…
I dare not speak a word.
Floating…
Into a dead abyss.
A lone man…
Appears residing on a bar stool.
Pale skin…
Covered by a fedora and collared cloak.
Whispering…
I can hear you
(Freeverse)
To See or Not To See
In the distance of my mind a peculiar taste touches my cerebrum. A strange air lingers in my thoughts as I perceive the unconscious around me. Trails of black smoke bellow across the floor below as I glide weightlessly across the room. A chair materializes in front of me followed by a vanity mirror and large iridescent bulbs strategically placed around the pale bordered frame. In a trance I seat myself upon the chair and lower my head so my eyes meet the tops of my legs. Confused, I hear my thoughts out loud as if a narrator was projecting them upon a large speaker.
Where am I?
I slowly begin to lift my head up and glare into the mirror ahead of me. The colors of my surroundings begin to disappear as if the life was draining out of them. Sepia paints this mirage and the only color remaining is a deep, poetic red stained upon my lips. Dark bangs are swept briskly across my right eye, leaving only my left eye visible. Staring into the mirror, my mind speaks aloud again.
What is this place?
Suddenly, an exhale of smoke emerges from the abyss in which I float upon. Next to the mirror a large bar appears with one stool relaxing in front. A man is outlined with the remaining trail of fog and is placed on the stool. A long mysterious trench coat sweeps over him and drapes his face with a large black collar. A black fedora also rests a top his head covering his left eye. I do not glance away from the mirror ahead. In my peripherals his profound dark eyes pierce my soul with integrity. I still do not look away. His thoughts echo in the distance, similar to mine, but with a strong compassionate grimace.
“I love you, you know that? You are everything to me, my life, my world. Without you I am empty, nothing. The world will be ours, but not now. You and I have not met yet, but we will. Someday. That is why I am lying.”
A disturbing nonsense repeats itself in my mind, battering itself to understand the insanity.
And with one swift breath from my soul, it is gone.
In a Flash
So the story begins,
A brief moment of time lapses.
I close my eyes.
Adrenaline streaming through my body,
What happens next?
Descriptive words attack my thoughts,
Binding my eyes towards the page.
Hanging upon the edge of the cliff
I want to know.
All the answers swarm like bees.
A soft whimsical breath of relief rejuvenates me.
Then it is over.
The End.
(Carpe Diem)
